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I am so messed up in the head since my dad died, I can't get over his death as much as I try. I'm plagued with grief. I've just been sat looking at photos of dad, some he was so happy and healthy and others of when he was dying and I even have a photo of him in his coffin. He'd go mad at me for having that photo, I can hear him now calling me a dumb bitch. He would hate it but its all I have left of him. My heart is broken into a million pieces and I will never be happy no matter how hard I try. Hearing my children say 'mum' is the only reason i'm alive. I'm so lost without my father. He did everything and more for me and the boys but he never taught me how to live without him.. How do you live a life to the fullest but you are empty inside. I keep saying it but I am only alive today because I couldnt bare the thought of my kids feeling like I do. Im sat crying writing this blog, I cant describe how unhappy I am inside without him. He really has left a massive empty hole inside of me that will never heal.

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