I am so messed up in the head since my dad died, I can't get over his death as much as I try.
I'm plagued with grief.
I've just been sat looking at photos of dad, some he was so happy and healthy and others of when he was dying and I even have a photo of him in his coffin.
He'd go mad at me for having that photo, I can hear him now calling me a dumb bitch. He would hate it but its all I have left of him.
My heart is broken into a million pieces and I will never be happy no matter how hard I try.
Hearing my children say 'mum' is the only reason i'm alive. I'm so lost without my father. He did everything and more for me and the boys but he never taught me how to live without him..
How do you live a life to the fullest but you are empty inside.
I keep saying it but I am only alive today because I couldnt bare the thought of my kids feeling like I do.
Im sat crying writing this blog, I cant describe how unhappy I am inside without him. He really has left a massive empty hole inside of me that will never heal.
March 1st Sunday.
Natalie bombarded me with messages last night, pissed me right off. Telling me she loves me, so this morning ive told her its infatuation and she can't possibly love me and to leave me alone. Ive got enough shit going on in my head without her adding to it. Fuck it off! Life's so much easier being single. Just me and my boys. Going eat what I want today then start calorie counting tomorrow, try shift some weight. Got us all a McDonald's breakfast this morning haha. Don't know how im going stick to a diet, but im going try my best. Getting my hair done tomorrow, really can't be bothered, but my roots are so bad. Thank god my mums a hairdresser haha. I feel ok today, better than I have done the past few days/weeks. Im cooking a gammon joint for dinner. Still need wash my slow cooker, but that can wait till tomorrow. Trying stay positive today and be more thankful. Its hard when you're depressed and grieving. I pray im not like this forever because its horrible. Yo...
Comments
Post a Comment