Another day stuck in the house but at least my mental health is better.
You know what, id love to feel normal, what ever normal is. Id love to not be mentally unwell.
Id love to just feel happiness, instead im riddled with guilt over my dads death..
Could I of done more to save him? Why take my dad so young from me? He was only 55 years old.
The guilt I feel on a daily basis, along with the saddness of him not being here anymore, the longing to see him.
It kills me inside. Honestly, the day my dad died, I died inside too.
Doesnt matter how much I wear my fake ass smile, I am plagued with horrendous grief that will never leave me.
When people ask how I am, I say every single time, im ok.. When in actually fact im dead inside.
15/11/2020 the day i died inside rip to the old Ann-louise, im now on a lonely journey of finding a different me.
A life without my father.. What a lonely place to be.
March 1st Sunday.
Natalie bombarded me with messages last night, pissed me right off. Telling me she loves me, so this morning ive told her its infatuation and she can't possibly love me and to leave me alone. Ive got enough shit going on in my head without her adding to it. Fuck it off! Life's so much easier being single. Just me and my boys. Going eat what I want today then start calorie counting tomorrow, try shift some weight. Got us all a McDonald's breakfast this morning haha. Don't know how im going stick to a diet, but im going try my best. Getting my hair done tomorrow, really can't be bothered, but my roots are so bad. Thank god my mums a hairdresser haha. I feel ok today, better than I have done the past few days/weeks. Im cooking a gammon joint for dinner. Still need wash my slow cooker, but that can wait till tomorrow. Trying stay positive today and be more thankful. Its hard when you're depressed and grieving. I pray im not like this forever because its horrible. Yo...
Comments
Post a Comment