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Trying to find the positives about being alive today.
It always comes down to protecting my children from the grief it would cause if I passed away.
The only problem is, I'm not living a life I enjoy, I'm purely surviving for them.
It seems selfish to me that I have to stick around solely for them,  when I'm this unhappy inside.
But, what can I do, I don't want to be here, but, I don't want my children to be left with no mother..
I guess it's going to be another day trapped in my own suicidal thoughts.
2 & half years it's been since my dad passed away, that's 2 & half years of fighting my intrusive thoughts. 
2 and half years of living in darkness and loneliness. That's a long time to be living unhappy. 
Something has got to change before I end up completely giving up because this is torture.

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