Sunday July 30th 2023

Didn't go church today, my anxiety is playing up. All I do just lately is sit in my room watching movies and blog.. It's a big thing me being able to enjoy a movie because this time last year I never had the tv on, I literally spent 2022 locked in my room doing nothing but blogging about how depressed I am. I mean, i'm still depressed and blogging about it but I know i'm getting better. I'm so desperate to find my purpose in life. If my purpose in life was to just have children, then how do I make myself feel better. Maybe my medication needs increasing?.. I don't know. I don't know much anymore about anything. I feel trapped in my own mind and its killing me. I think after the 6 week holidays i'm going to rejoin the gym, I can't do it now because of childcare but theres no excuse when Jesse is back in school. That will give me something to focus on, so watch this space, lets see if I follow this through. I'd love to be working but I know deep down i'm not ready. I'm too mentally unstable to deal with the outside world just yet but I will get better. I am determined to get better! I need to be better.