March 1st Sunday.

It's Friday and I can say i've had a better day, we all know this doesn't last long so I need to be thankful I have better days. Been to a craft and worship group this afternoon with Jesse at school. His little face lit up when he saw me, its times like this I have to remind myself how sad he would be if I hadn't of turned up. Suicide would be an easy option but would devastate my children, they need me and I need them. They don't realise they save me every single day without knowing. Considering its summer, it's pouring it down with rain, so Jesse and I are home from school and straight in our pjs. Told my dad I miss him today, like I do everyday. I'm starting to process his death more now, I mean its been 2 and half years since he passed away so its about time isn't it?. I don't know whats happened to me since his death, my whole world was flipped upside down. I don't rememeber the old Ann-Louise, just this new sober version i'm discovering. Amoungst battling my demons everyday, i'm also battling sobriety, how I do it I don't really know but I am and i'm super proud of myself. Every single day is survival of the fittest and regardless of how i'm feeling I do it for my children. I can't stress how much my 4 boys keep me going. Today I feel truely blessed and thankful for life.