I'm lost.

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Life seems to be passing me bye and I seem to be stuck in a lonely hole. How do I get myself out of the way I feel? How do I get out of this hole i'm stuck in? How do I find myself when i'm completely lost in life? I thought I was getting better but i'm clearly not. I am so lost in life. It's like groundhog day, every single waking day! Get me out of this matrix that i'm living in.. Am I even living? This isn't living. I'm purly surviving for my children and thats all. I'm struggling today with my sobriety, I won't give in, but, I am struggling. If I was a drinker id be able socialise but, I don't and i've lost everyone whilst going sober. I'm a better person now i'm sober, but it's all for my children. Every thing I do is for them and nothing for myself. What could I even do for myself? How can I make life better for myself? I just don't know any more. I don't know who I am, i've lost my identity. I lost myself after my dad died, then I had cancer and I vanished. It's like I don't exist anymore. I'm just a mum and as much as I love my children, I need to find me again. The intrusive thoughts I have are louder today but it's probably due to how shitty I feel. The only thing stoppping me from killing myself is my children. That is all.

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