I may spend alot of time in my room, but you know what, since going sober a year and half ago, all my childen will come in and we all chat and relax on my bed.
I've said it before but i'll say it again (because i'm proud) since going sober, the bond I have with my 4 children is amazing!
I love it, we sit and chat and the feeling of love I have inside I can not even put into words.
I wish my boys read my blog and see how much they save my life every single day without knowing. I really do love them with all I am.
I'm having another better today, mentally I feel better, so, i'm thankful.
I've come to realise that i'm a strong woman, I know the medication is helping but it's me that's determined not to die.
I feel stronger mentally, or is that just because i'm having a few good days? Oh, I hope I feel better for more than a few days.
June 14th My Son Is Coming Home.
The coroner has rang today and the funeral home. My son will be getting collected from Liverpool, Monday morning. Which means I can hopefully see him Tuesday. Its Friday today. It will be over 2 weeks since I last saw my child. As a mother, my body is yearning to see my son. I just need to hold him and kiss him on his head. I feel sickness to the pit of my stomach, I'm dreading seeing my baby in a coffin, I'm dreading the funeral. This shouldn't be happening. His funeral will be July 1st at 12.15. I just feel numb. Im convinced its not my son and he'll just arrive home at some point.. I feel hollow with a sick feeling in my stomach. A few of my friends delivered me a beautiful canvas of my son this morning. What beautiful, thoughtful people I have in my life. I don't really know how I feel or what to say, I don't understand how I'm still alive. I'm lost...
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