542 days sober.

From where I was this time last year, i've realised how far i've actually come. I'm doing this thing called life. Out of everything that has tragically happened, here I am on a sober journey. I wouldn't be sober if my dad hadn't passed away, so, I guess something good finally came out of something so tragic. I hope my children are proud of me because I am sober for them, yes, i'm sober for me too but I want to make my children proud of me. It's a hard journey to be on, I still have days where I could murder an alcoholic drink but then I remind myself how depressed I already am and how drink makes me feel. It's really not worth it. I know if I have a drink I won't want to stop and I know i'll be suicidal. I have intrusive thoughts most days, but being sober I can sort of control them. I'm sober and i'm trying my best to stay sober. Today has been a day to be thankful for how far i've come the past 2 and half years, it's only when I sit and think, it actually hits me that i'm still alive and i'm still fighting to stay alive. Today I am feeling blessed. No matter how lonely I feel, I know I will always have my children by my side.