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My youngest sons 7th birthday today.
Had a beautiful morning opening his cards and presents with him, taken him school with his sweets to give out to his friends and kissed him goodbye.
Come home sat on my bed and broke my heart.
I'm so unwell mentally, I try my absolute best to keep a smile on my face around my kids, but deep down inside, I am dead.
The day my father passed away, the moment he took his last breath, a switched turned off inside me.
The only way I can describe it, is that.
A switch went off inside and my whole world went dark.
Dove Bereavement taught me the different phases of grief and that you can return to any stage, at any time. I'm fucking angry!!
I'm back to the anger phase, I'm so angry and upset that my dad isn't here to celebrate Jesse's birthday. It hurts more than I could ever describe. 
My dad was my absolute world, he did everything and more fore and my boys and without him, I'm lost in life.
I've lost my identity, I've not got a clue who I am anymore.
Have I ever mentioned I have a pug?
Well, she's my little bestie, she's there for me when I'm all alone, she licks my tears when I cry and she loves me unconditionally. 
Well that's all for today's blog, take care x

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