Just been out for dinner, I don't get out much, I prefer my own company.
Too much effort some days to smile, so it's easier to just stay at home.
Nothing fits me, i've gained so much weight because of the medication, I just feel shitty about life all the time.
I said to myself this morning, I am going to embrace being a bigger girl. I also talk shit to myself hahaha.
No, I am going try and be more positive about the weight gain, i've got 2 choices. I either come off the medication, lose weight and kill myself or, stay on the medication, live some sort of normal life and be fat.. I choose the latter.
When did my weight become a major issue?
I have always battled with my weight, up and down it's been since I can rememeber. I'm nearly 40 years old, life is too short to be worrying about my weight, it's time I just embraced a fuller figure and on that note, goodbye xxx
June 14th My Son Is Coming Home.
The coroner has rang today and the funeral home. My son will be getting collected from Liverpool, Monday morning. Which means I can hopefully see him Tuesday. Its Friday today. It will be over 2 weeks since I last saw my child. As a mother, my body is yearning to see my son. I just need to hold him and kiss him on his head. I feel sickness to the pit of my stomach, I'm dreading seeing my baby in a coffin, I'm dreading the funeral. This shouldn't be happening. His funeral will be July 1st at 12.15. I just feel numb. Im convinced its not my son and he'll just arrive home at some point.. I feel hollow with a sick feeling in my stomach. A few of my friends delivered me a beautiful canvas of my son this morning. What beautiful, thoughtful people I have in my life. I don't really know how I feel or what to say, I don't understand how I'm still alive. I'm lost...
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