Hows life going?
I'm ok.
I'm getting through the days and that is something to be proud of. I am still alive.
My life isnt really going anywhere, I have no asperations. It's sad really.
I can't even read a full book anymore, I don't watch tv, I sort of just drift through the days.
I'm still just surviving, not thriving.
I keep thinking to myself, this time next year, hopefully, I will be a different person, a happier person.
If I don't think like this, what is the point in living?
All the weight I lost, I have gained because of the medication, its a viscious cicrle..
They say 'we are here for a good time, not a long time' but i'm not even having a good time and I hope i'm not here for a long time.
June 14th My Son Is Coming Home.
The coroner has rang today and the funeral home. My son will be getting collected from Liverpool, Monday morning. Which means I can hopefully see him Tuesday. Its Friday today. It will be over 2 weeks since I last saw my child. As a mother, my body is yearning to see my son. I just need to hold him and kiss him on his head. I feel sickness to the pit of my stomach, I'm dreading seeing my baby in a coffin, I'm dreading the funeral. This shouldn't be happening. His funeral will be July 1st at 12.15. I just feel numb. Im convinced its not my son and he'll just arrive home at some point.. I feel hollow with a sick feeling in my stomach. A few of my friends delivered me a beautiful canvas of my son this morning. What beautiful, thoughtful people I have in my life. I don't really know how I feel or what to say, I don't understand how I'm still alive. I'm lost...
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