For the past few days the intrusive thoughts have been so overwhelming, I just want to die.
I think to myself, if one day these intrusive thoughts get the better of me and I end up taking my own life, I hope my children see my blog and realise just how much their mum tried to stay alive.
I don't think my family realise the severity of my illness.
It's not a low mood, i'm ill, like, I am sick in the head and it's slowly killing me off.
This not wanting to be alive is a horrible feeling.
I feel like no one understands whats going on inside of me.
I hope in a few days these feelings pass.
Jesus take the wheel, cuz I can't do this life on my own.
March 1st Sunday.
Natalie bombarded me with messages last night, pissed me right off. Telling me she loves me, so this morning ive told her its infatuation and she can't possibly love me and to leave me alone. Ive got enough shit going on in my head without her adding to it. Fuck it off! Life's so much easier being single. Just me and my boys. Going eat what I want today then start calorie counting tomorrow, try shift some weight. Got us all a McDonald's breakfast this morning haha. Don't know how im going stick to a diet, but im going try my best. Getting my hair done tomorrow, really can't be bothered, but my roots are so bad. Thank god my mums a hairdresser haha. I feel ok today, better than I have done the past few days/weeks. Im cooking a gammon joint for dinner. Still need wash my slow cooker, but that can wait till tomorrow. Trying stay positive today and be more thankful. Its hard when you're depressed and grieving. I pray im not like this forever because its horrible. Yo...
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