Finally, i'm feeling better. Still sad, but better.
I've done a fake tan, added some more pink to my hair because it fades so fast and generally just sat by myself.
I'm such a sad person since the death of my father, I definitly died inside the day he went away.
I ask myself daily "did I ask too much of my dad?".
It's like I can't do anything for myself because my dad did everything for me.
I feel so lost in life, I feel like I don't really fit in.
I've been diagnosed with BPD/EUPD, after reading about my diagnosis, the depression makes sense, theres alot of the characteristics that I related to.
Ups and downs, the downs last way too long though!
Also, prolonged grief..
Makes sense.
June 14th My Son Is Coming Home.
The coroner has rang today and the funeral home. My son will be getting collected from Liverpool, Monday morning. Which means I can hopefully see him Tuesday. Its Friday today. It will be over 2 weeks since I last saw my child. As a mother, my body is yearning to see my son. I just need to hold him and kiss him on his head. I feel sickness to the pit of my stomach, I'm dreading seeing my baby in a coffin, I'm dreading the funeral. This shouldn't be happening. His funeral will be July 1st at 12.15. I just feel numb. Im convinced its not my son and he'll just arrive home at some point.. I feel hollow with a sick feeling in my stomach. A few of my friends delivered me a beautiful canvas of my son this morning. What beautiful, thoughtful people I have in my life. I don't really know how I feel or what to say, I don't understand how I'm still alive. I'm lost...
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