Finally, i'm feeling better. Still sad, but better.
I've done a fake tan, added some more pink to my hair because it fades so fast and generally just sat by myself.
I'm such a sad person since the death of my father, I definitly died inside the day he went away.
I ask myself daily "did I ask too much of my dad?".
It's like I can't do anything for myself because my dad did everything for me.
I feel so lost in life, I feel like I don't really fit in.
I've been diagnosed with BPD/EUPD, after reading about my diagnosis, the depression makes sense, theres alot of the characteristics that I related to.
Ups and downs, the downs last way too long though!
Also, prolonged grief..
Makes sense.
March 1st Sunday.
Natalie bombarded me with messages last night, pissed me right off. Telling me she loves me, so this morning ive told her its infatuation and she can't possibly love me and to leave me alone. Ive got enough shit going on in my head without her adding to it. Fuck it off! Life's so much easier being single. Just me and my boys. Going eat what I want today then start calorie counting tomorrow, try shift some weight. Got us all a McDonald's breakfast this morning haha. Don't know how im going stick to a diet, but im going try my best. Getting my hair done tomorrow, really can't be bothered, but my roots are so bad. Thank god my mums a hairdresser haha. I feel ok today, better than I have done the past few days/weeks. Im cooking a gammon joint for dinner. Still need wash my slow cooker, but that can wait till tomorrow. Trying stay positive today and be more thankful. Its hard when you're depressed and grieving. I pray im not like this forever because its horrible. Yo...
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