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My dad died and my whole life was turned upside down. My days went dark. Nothing will mend my heart.

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June 14th My Son Is Coming Home.

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The coroner has rang today and the funeral home. My son will be getting collected from Liverpool, Monday morning. Which means I can hopefully see him Tuesday. Its Friday today. It will be over 2 weeks since I last saw my child. As a mother, my body is yearning to see my son. I just need to hold him and kiss him on his head. I feel sickness to the pit of my stomach, I'm dreading seeing my baby in a coffin, I'm dreading the funeral. This shouldn't be happening. His funeral will be July 1st at 12.15. I just feel numb. Im convinced its not my son and he'll just arrive home at some point.. I feel hollow with a sick feeling in my stomach. A few of my friends delivered me a beautiful canvas of my son this morning. What beautiful, thoughtful people I have in my life. I don't really know how I feel or what to say, I don't understand how I'm still alive. I'm lost...
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January 27th Monday.

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I went out Saturday, only for a couple of hours. The food was lovely and I enjoyed being out of the house. Yesterday I went to see my friend so it hasn't been a bad weekend.  I don't know why but I hate been stuck in the house. My mind goes on overdrive when I'm sat on my own. I guess that's normal under the circumstances.  Wednesday is fast approaching and I'm so nervous. I'm nervous but can't wait to learn how to drive. It will do me the world of good I know this. I've started eating meat again after being a vegetarian for 3 years. How strange how the body changes. I was craving bacon so I ate bacon, and I'm so glad I did. Bacon is delicious. Bacon and cheese oatcakes I've just eaten. How did I go 3 years not eating meat? I've not long got back from the cafe. I go every morning and have a cup of tea and a chat with my friends. I'm not feeling to bad today mentally speaking.  I was thinking this morning, how are my dad and son dead? It j...
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March 11th Tuesday.

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