I keep thinking about what purpose I am in life, it's sad that I feel this way.
I know i'm a mum but who am I as a person, as an individual?
I'm so lost in life.
The more I think about it, i've been lost for many years but I covered it with alcohol, i'm nearly a year and half sober and I just feel a little lost in life.
My dads death, definitely switched a switch off, inside of me. I feel empty.
I'm so sad and lonely, so many people around me, yet I feel so alone.
I sit by myself most days, trapped in my own thoughts, no motivation to leave the house.
I do my daily chores and I go to bed, I wake up, I repeat and so on..
I quit my job, don't really know why and I died my hair bright pink.
What a fucked up mess I am.
Forgot say, not sure if I mentioned I was doing a home study course but I am, well, was, its a 12 week Suicide and Selfharm Prevention course, anyway I completed it in 2 weeks.
Ok bye xxx
March 1st Sunday.
Natalie bombarded me with messages last night, pissed me right off. Telling me she loves me, so this morning ive told her its infatuation and she can't possibly love me and to leave me alone. Ive got enough shit going on in my head without her adding to it. Fuck it off! Life's so much easier being single. Just me and my boys. Going eat what I want today then start calorie counting tomorrow, try shift some weight. Got us all a McDonald's breakfast this morning haha. Don't know how im going stick to a diet, but im going try my best. Getting my hair done tomorrow, really can't be bothered, but my roots are so bad. Thank god my mums a hairdresser haha. I feel ok today, better than I have done the past few days/weeks. Im cooking a gammon joint for dinner. Still need wash my slow cooker, but that can wait till tomorrow. Trying stay positive today and be more thankful. Its hard when you're depressed and grieving. I pray im not like this forever because its horrible. Yo...
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