Valentines Day 2023

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Started to acknowledge my cancer as a punishment. 
I did so much wrong in alcohol and I'm trying to make everything right now I am sober. Its February 2023 now (Valentines day), I've been sober since January 1st 2022, surely I've repented my sins?
Is repent the right word?
If I hadn't of lost my dad, if I hadn't of had cancer myself, I often wonder what mess I'd be in now, my drinking got so bad.
My life was a complete mess and now I can actually say, I'm making all the wrong I ever did in life right.
You know what, I cringe when I have flash backs of me in drink, but also, I'm hurt at how much I've had to deal with in my life.
I've never been loved the way I'm desperate to be loved.
The only person to truly love me was my dad.
I'm still trying to figure out my place in life and who I am, I'll get there eventually.

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