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I'm just not happy, today is not a good day. I should of known it was going to be bad as soon as I opened my eyes this morning. I feel emotionally drained. Carrying grief around is heavy, it drains the life out of you. I feel like everyone around me is happy and I am full of sadness all the time. Why can't I walk around looking sad, instead I wear a fake ass smile and to be honest I am sick of it!!! Heaven forbid I walk around looking all sad, people would soon have something say about my miserable face!! Do you know how hard it is to pretend to be happy? I feel like shouting 'fuck this shitty life' but I won't because I have children to look after. I have said it before and I will say it again, THE ONLY REASON I am still here is because of my children... I am so lonely.

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