Gods plan.

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I think I am getting better. I know its the medication but I'm starting to feel better within. I'm so thankful that my psychiatrist finally heard me through the crying. I remember crying saying I need help before I kill myself and she heard me. Its not easy living with mental health problems. This sober journey I am on, also, is not easy. I started to work at my youngest sons school (lunch time) and its the best thing that could of happened because it really is doing me the world of good. I started the end of November 2022 and it is February 2023 now and i'm still there. Its only an hour a day but the routine is what I needed to get me out of this house. I didn't think I would get the job which made it easier to apply. I applied because I thought it will help with my mental health, I just didn't think I would get the job. My sons school (Kingsland C.E. Accademy) has been amazing, I can not thank them enough for helping me through a really dark place I was in. A few times I have broke down at school crying and the staff have helped me. It really is a wonderful school with loving staff. I'm still trying to come to terms with losing my dad, I don't think it will ever sit right with me. I can't see me ever being completely happy when a massive part of me is missing... ..But with the right medication to even me out, I could possibly live some sort of life. Hopefully. Think it was about October 2022 when I walked out of my house one day, and ended up in church (St Johns), the crazy thing is, I have bad anxiety, yet I left my house, alone, and walked into church.. come on, now if thats not God guiding me, then what was it????? The peace I feel inside when I walk into church is like nothing I have ever experienced before. The people that go to that church love. The really do love each other. It is a wonderful feeling. I too have broke down crying in church and the love I have felt is so warminig inside. God has a plan for me, i'm on the right path in life, I was guided to church that day and I just need to keep doing what I am doing and trust that everything will work out ok in the end. We'll be ok xxx

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