Thought I would talk about how I still do not understand how I have made it to today, I don't really rememeber alot since my dad died,
everything is a blur.
I feel like I survive evryday, I don't enjoy life, it seems to just pass by.
Not really sure how I float through the day but I do, unwillingly, I am indeed living. I might only be a shell but I am slowly finding myself.
I know I dont't mind being on my own, I have become so strong with managing my feelings. I don't stay sad for long anymore, I don't hold grudges now, do as you would like to be done, what you do, you will receive.
I give love so freely, I love and I desire to be loved.
Not asking much, right? Hahaa
I read about manifestation, so I want to try and write more positive.
Manifestation, write it down and hope for the best!
Anyway, so yeah, ermm, I'm still here and it has got to be a mixture of medication and strength from above that keeps me going everyday.
xxx
March 1st Sunday.
Natalie bombarded me with messages last night, pissed me right off. Telling me she loves me, so this morning ive told her its infatuation and she can't possibly love me and to leave me alone. Ive got enough shit going on in my head without her adding to it. Fuck it off! Life's so much easier being single. Just me and my boys. Going eat what I want today then start calorie counting tomorrow, try shift some weight. Got us all a McDonald's breakfast this morning haha. Don't know how im going stick to a diet, but im going try my best. Getting my hair done tomorrow, really can't be bothered, but my roots are so bad. Thank god my mums a hairdresser haha. I feel ok today, better than I have done the past few days/weeks. Im cooking a gammon joint for dinner. Still need wash my slow cooker, but that can wait till tomorrow. Trying stay positive today and be more thankful. Its hard when you're depressed and grieving. I pray im not like this forever because its horrible. Yo...
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