Thought I would talk about how I still do not understand how I have made it to today, I don't really rememeber alot since my dad died,
everything is a blur.
I feel like I survive evryday, I don't enjoy life, it seems to just pass by.
Not really sure how I float through the day but I do, unwillingly, I am indeed living. I might only be a shell but I am slowly finding myself.
I know I dont't mind being on my own, I have become so strong with managing my feelings. I don't stay sad for long anymore, I don't hold grudges now, do as you would like to be done, what you do, you will receive.
I give love so freely, I love and I desire to be loved.
Not asking much, right? Hahaa
I read about manifestation, so I want to try and write more positive.
Manifestation, write it down and hope for the best!
Anyway, so yeah, ermm, I'm still here and it has got to be a mixture of medication and strength from above that keeps me going everyday.
xxx
June 14th My Son Is Coming Home.
The coroner has rang today and the funeral home. My son will be getting collected from Liverpool, Monday morning. Which means I can hopefully see him Tuesday. Its Friday today. It will be over 2 weeks since I last saw my child. As a mother, my body is yearning to see my son. I just need to hold him and kiss him on his head. I feel sickness to the pit of my stomach, I'm dreading seeing my baby in a coffin, I'm dreading the funeral. This shouldn't be happening. His funeral will be July 1st at 12.15. I just feel numb. Im convinced its not my son and he'll just arrive home at some point.. I feel hollow with a sick feeling in my stomach. A few of my friends delivered me a beautiful canvas of my son this morning. What beautiful, thoughtful people I have in my life. I don't really know how I feel or what to say, I don't understand how I'm still alive. I'm lost...
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