So, I read something this morning. Something from the Bible that made me stop and think.
How I can put it into words is something like this..
So, I keep praying for better days but if I take a step back and look back to last year, this exact time last year I was in a real dark lonely place.
Praying for a better day and if you think about it, I'm here. I've reached my better days.
A year ago today I didn't want to be alive, today, I do want to be alive.
Today I have a fight in me, last year I didn't care about a thing, I wanted to die so badly and now I don't.
My prayers were silently answered, I secretly prayed that I would see another day and no matter what I had to battle along the way, I made it to today.
I survived every single obsticle that has been thrown at me, I am stronger than I think I am.
If you think about it, even though some days are still dark, I am infact seeing some happier days. They were the days I prayed for. These are the days they give me hope.
My prayers were answered and I only just realised this. My prayers have been secretly answered and are still being answered. Next step is work out what my purpose is in this life..
Could it be to write this blog seen as this is the only thing I have in life that i'm interested in, in the hope it reaches someone else battling with life like me.
Surely my only purpose wasn't just to be a mum, as much as I love my boys, I can't help but want more from this life.
I say 'this life' because I honestly believe we don't just die and that's it. I believe in afterlife and I believe my dad is with me every step I take.
He lives on through me.
I'll battle each day until it's my time to go then I look forward to seeing my dad again.
I feel truely blessed and so should you.
We survived another day xxx
June 14th My Son Is Coming Home.
The coroner has rang today and the funeral home. My son will be getting collected from Liverpool, Monday morning. Which means I can hopefully see him Tuesday. Its Friday today. It will be over 2 weeks since I last saw my child. As a mother, my body is yearning to see my son. I just need to hold him and kiss him on his head. I feel sickness to the pit of my stomach, I'm dreading seeing my baby in a coffin, I'm dreading the funeral. This shouldn't be happening. His funeral will be July 1st at 12.15. I just feel numb. Im convinced its not my son and he'll just arrive home at some point.. I feel hollow with a sick feeling in my stomach. A few of my friends delivered me a beautiful canvas of my son this morning. What beautiful, thoughtful people I have in my life. I don't really know how I feel or what to say, I don't understand how I'm still alive. I'm lost...
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