Jesse-John just said to me, "grandad was 55, he died 55? what age will you die mummy?"
My reply was "not yet".
What does 'not yet' even mean.
I guess one thing, it means I am getting better because I probably would of usually said 'hopefullly soon'.
Will I ever come to terms with what has happened to my dad? I doubt it.
I think this is me now for the rest of my life, messed up and having to rely on medication to keep me sane.
What a sad existance I will be living until I die............................
March 1st Sunday.
Natalie bombarded me with messages last night, pissed me right off. Telling me she loves me, so this morning ive told her its infatuation and she can't possibly love me and to leave me alone. Ive got enough shit going on in my head without her adding to it. Fuck it off! Life's so much easier being single. Just me and my boys. Going eat what I want today then start calorie counting tomorrow, try shift some weight. Got us all a McDonald's breakfast this morning haha. Don't know how im going stick to a diet, but im going try my best. Getting my hair done tomorrow, really can't be bothered, but my roots are so bad. Thank god my mums a hairdresser haha. I feel ok today, better than I have done the past few days/weeks. Im cooking a gammon joint for dinner. Still need wash my slow cooker, but that can wait till tomorrow. Trying stay positive today and be more thankful. Its hard when you're depressed and grieving. I pray im not like this forever because its horrible. Yo...
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