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I talk to myself alot, out loud. I have to tell myself outloud that I am going to be ok. If I have to walk anywhere I have to say it over and over. Anxiety is a bitch! This increased Olanzopine, I have become numb to everything. I stopped writing poetry, the words stopped, my feelings have stoppped, I feel like a walking empty vessel. I can't describe the pain inside from losing my dad, I never felt heartbreak like it. I'm alot stronger than I was and I know it's thanks to all the medication I take but also, many of times I have very nearly ended my life but with true will power I have saved myself. Me. I've put in a hard graft to beat them dark days and believe me when I say this, them days are real dark and very lonely. My days aren't filled with joy and happiness yet but they look alot brighter than they did. Today, I keep using the phrase 'good day' I am having a good day. There is nothing good about it but I'm not suicidal, so in that respect, it is indded a good day.

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