I have come to realise, I need to take the good with the bad.
Everyday isn't going to be happy and I now know that there will be good and bad days.
Since taking new medication I sort of see things differently now, a more calm look on life.
I tell myself that there will indeed be bad days and that's something I need to rememeber.
I feel in limbo with explaining how I feel, I don't feel sad but I don't feel happy. I feel a bit lost in life.
My dad dying of cancer, and then me having cancer has really messed my life up.
I think the trauma was too much for me to handle, saying that, I am still alive. I'm doing something right.
June 14th My Son Is Coming Home.
The coroner has rang today and the funeral home. My son will be getting collected from Liverpool, Monday morning. Which means I can hopefully see him Tuesday. Its Friday today. It will be over 2 weeks since I last saw my child. As a mother, my body is yearning to see my son. I just need to hold him and kiss him on his head. I feel sickness to the pit of my stomach, I'm dreading seeing my baby in a coffin, I'm dreading the funeral. This shouldn't be happening. His funeral will be July 1st at 12.15. I just feel numb. Im convinced its not my son and he'll just arrive home at some point.. I feel hollow with a sick feeling in my stomach. A few of my friends delivered me a beautiful canvas of my son this morning. What beautiful, thoughtful people I have in my life. I don't really know how I feel or what to say, I don't understand how I'm still alive. I'm lost...
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