December 3rd 2023

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 Wow and I mean wow, I have had a really and I mean really low day mentally, I have cried a river today. My eyes are all swollen and puffy from the amount of tears I have cried. I wish I was exaggerating but I'm not. I feel so lost in life it scares me.

I know I'm on this sober journey now but Cancer and losing my dad has really messed me up as a person.

I use to be so outgoing and bubbly, I had a fire in my heart, I had depression but nothing like I have now, this is unbearable, a constant emptiness inside.

My heart has been broken and nothing will ever fill this void, it's like there's a massive piece of me missing. The death of a parent is something else. How do you come back from losing a massive part of you. My dad was me and I am him.

I just read back what I've written.. my dad was me and I am him, so I know he lives on within me but that doesn't make me feel any better, I'm  never going see him again until the day I die and that shit hurts! Like really hurts, I am sad beyond sad.

I'll keep hanging on waiting for that better day to come. I'm feeling low now but it won't last, I know a good day will come soon and that's what keeps me going everyday, the knowing that a happy day is just around the corner.   

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