7 Days Since Op Day..

Finally more energy, i stopped taking the Codeine about 4 days ago through my own choice, don't know if its just me but them things are vile, it's like you're not even in your own body, they make you sleep but it's like you're in and out of sleep and you've got no control over your own body.. it's a no from me! they made me feel so sick, still got the nausea but no where near as bad as when i was taking the Codeine. Can't even take the anti-sickness tablets that you shove up your cheek without them making me feel sick 😕 go figure...

Anyway i've managed my pain by taking Paracetamol and Ibuprofen alternative every 2 hours 👊👊

Now it's day 7 im trying to ween myself off them too, well baby steps, i mean going 2 & halfs hours between the pain killers, nothing too hasty just yet but my dad always brought me up to only take tablets when its really needed or they'll not work as well when you do need them if you abuse them, so i've only ever taken pain killers when absolutely needed.. Thank you dad 💓 

I mention my dad alot, it was 6 months since his passing on the 15th of this month (May 2021) I don't even know where them 6 months have gone, everything is still so raw in my head, i still cry everyday and talk to his ashes that are in my bedroom where i know he's safe, 6 months and i'm going through my own cancer battle.. I've mentioned before the insomnia but now it's on a whole new level, now at night when i don't sleep, not only do i have flashbacks about my dads journey but now i've got the Lymph node results hanging over my head which results in me A, planning celebratory drinks if they managed get rid of all the cancer and B, planning on writing my own funeral planning down if it's spread.. 

What a shit time i'm going through but im strong, mentally, for the first time in my life, i finally feel strong in my head.. crazy really as i've always hated life and never been scared about death, im still not scared of death, im scared of leaving my children.

I've had so much shit thrown at me through my life and i always get back up and carry on but this time i feel like life is saying to me.. look at what you could leave behind Ann-louise, look at your 4 boys that you brought into this world , they need you!!

Well played life, well fucking played, its worked 👏

Not only has cancer scared the shit out of me but its also given me a slap up the face i needed, so for that im thankful.

Life really is too short, so live for today, don't worry about shoving a cake down your throat, or the cellulite on your arse and legs, stop worrying if the rent payment is a week late, if you wear odd socks, just stop worrying what people might think of you, fuck what people think of you!! Fuck their opinion, who cares what others think, life is too short.. Live for today.. PLEASE 💓💓💓