April 21st 2021.. The day i never expected to hear the words 'you've got cancer' April 28th 2021 MRI Scan

 Going back to the Monday April 19th 2021..

After years of abnormal cervical screening tests, then they came back pre cancerous.. me thinking nothing of it, just though, pre cancerous nothing to worry about. It'll be sorted, they'll burn it all away and that's that! 

Until the hospital rang on that Monday evening & said the consultant needs speak to you.. Me still thinking nothing of it, gets up on that Wednesday morning, went to college, finished at dinner so i had enough time to make it to the hospital. I just thought they were going to tell me the plan of action to get rid of the pre cancerous cells .. instead they told me, the biopsies taken from the back of my cervix, showed pre cancerous cells & apparently something else... like what???? The consultant said they were sent to Birmingham & it's been confirmed CANCER...............

Still now exactly a week later i'm trying to still come to terms with the fact, i've got cancer!

I've cried enough tears to literally fill easily a child's pool i'd say.

I new i had my MRI Scan today, April 28th 2021, but still went to college to try & just feel a bit more normal than i've felt the past week. My MRI Scan wasn't until 5.50pm, so that gave me enough time, pick my youngest up from after school club, cook tea for my children, bath my youngest & get to the hospital.

I know right, busy mum! yep..

But anyways, i've never had an MRI Scan before, i was so nervous, especially when they put a canular in to give me Buscapan?? Apparently it steadies your insides. Lying inside that tunnel for nearly an hour was horrible, it just made me realise how terrified my dad must of been when he had to have it done.

All's that keeps going through my mind is my dad & how strong & brave he was battling his cancer & his strength lives on through me so i need to remember that. I wear my dads ring all the time, i never take it off & i was allowed to keep that on which gave me so much comfort just thinking my dad was with me whilst i lay in that tunnel alone.

I cried in bed the other nigh breaking my heart telling my dad i had cancer, he would of gone to the end of the earth & back to help me get through this, grieving for a loved one whilst going through a cancer battle of your own has got to be hand on heart the most daunting, emotionally draining & scariest thing i'll probably ever have to deal with in my life....