Cancer, Depression and Me.

 Emotions are running high already as it's my baby Jasper's 14th birthday 💕  Jasper was always my baby with having a bit of a gap between him and his 2 older brothers who are Irish Twins i think they call it or i may of just made that part up.. anyway what was i saying?? no seriously, that's how bed my memory has become. Yes Jesse is my baby too.. ok so anyway..... So obviously I'm on yet another downer, don't think I've missed a day this week.. go me! I for the 1st time since i had my Memory Bear made out of my Dad's clothes that Damian kindly brought for me off my boys, just broke my heart. I hugged my bear thinking i was hugging my Dad & i just let the tears fall from my eyes. This wasn't a silent cry, i let my emotions cry out & i didn't care if anyone heard me or saw me hugging a bear. I needed this, i needed to cry, i needed to finally let it out. I just realised, my Dads never coming back & that shit hurts!!!!!

 Lying still in the bath,         i close my eyes & i drift away. not sure where i'm going but my mind is free, the soothing water ripples around my body, comforting me i needed to drift away..         No thoughts of anything, just complete silence.. Have you ever just wanted to drift away?? Me too.....