Cancer, Depression and Me.

How long does the grieving process last? Asking for my self... It's over 11 months, nearly 12 months, nearly a whole year with no dad. November 15th will be 12 whole months of having no dad, no best friend, no soul mate, no one to sit next to my bed when I'm too depressed to get out of it like dad has before, no one to ask me 'mushy peas, why have you cut yourself' 'talk to me', no one to help with my boys, no one to listen to AC/DC with, no one to hug me when I cry, no one to take me to appointments and wait for me to make sure I'm ok and take me home, no one to collect Jesse from school, even though he had cancer and couldn't walk whilst I was at work, no one to call every single day to make sure I was ok because my dad knew how bad my mental health is.. No one.. Treasure every moment of life, like I did with my dad because he was 55 years old and to be taken away that soon makes me so angry and sad. When my dad died, I died inside.

Always struggled with depression but the past 12 months has been so hard, my dad died aged 55 from Esophageal cancer and 5 months after his death I was diagnosed with cancer. After my dad's death, the day I collected his ashes I took enough prescribed sleeping tablets to kill me.. I was sedated & put on breathing equipment... I'm still alive and thank god I am for my 4 children. I struggle every single day with the darkness in my head, I cry to people but they don't understand but I'm still here and still fighting 💗 Stay strong even on the darkest of days xxx